Faith, hope, love, peace and joy.

I would like to share something very joyful with you today. It is also a little bit the story of my life, and of every person's life. I have no idea how you guys will react to this, because what has become a self-evidence to me, through a long journey, is for a lot of people completely unknown terrain. It's the story of God's love that saved me and gave me a new life.

What, most of you will think right now. She's lost it completely.

No, I haven't lost anything or in any way. I have won. I have won a life, a happy life. A life that knows its own sense and purpose. A life that knows its beauty and strength. Because that's what life is, don't let anyone tell you otherwise. It is full of purpose, full of beauty and strength. Unfortunately, these days, we see and hear a lot of other things, so that it is often the complete opposite.

But to get back to my story.

Yes, I believe in God. I go to church. And I love Jesus.

It actually starts again with my burnout from three to four years ago. Or actually it already starts  with my baptism. And the catholic upbringing I received as a child. I still remember my faith back then, in a childish way that takes everything literally. But from my teenage years on, I started rebelling. During the first years of uni, I lost my faith entirely. I thought I was happy and free, but I wasn't really. And then I got that burnout. Imagine that, at the prime of your life. Basically your whole life collapses and you have to start again and build it up from scratch. Looking back, it was the best thing that happened to me – because it changed my life, in the end, in a very good way. I would never want to go back to before. Ever. Not that it was so terrible. Simply that there was an emptiness that now has been filled with a light that will never fade.

Anyway. Before that, I was ill for more than a year. Those first months were the worst. My energy level was below zero, which even made me have a few panick attacks in the beginning, and a general feeling of despair. It was a dark, heavy period that I would not like to go into too much – there is no need for that. The consequence, though, of not being able to do much, was that I was at my parents' house a lot more again, and I started accompanying them to mass again every now and then. I started to like that more and more, even though it wasn't really for the right reasons at first. It was attractive because there were always other young people, the church was full and full of joy, and I liked the conservative idea of going to mass every Sunday.

The place I am talking about is a local, new community in Flanders that, together with other new communities, lives their faith with a new fieriness – and this has consequences for reaching more and more young people.

So, by going there I met new people, people of my age that go to church as well. That circle of people has only become bigger and bigger since then and was the cause that I started going to things like youth festivals. As I said, I hardly went to church for the right reasons: I liked the people and the atmosphere. But that caused that I kept coming, and very slowly, something new has started growing. For that, I have to talk about a very special place: Medjugorje. Never heard of it? Probably. It's a small village, as there are so many, in Bosnia. But there is one big difference: it has become a huge place of pilgrimage, because St. Mary appears there, for 33 years already, to a group of people, every day. About twice a month, She gives a message for the whole world. She has been doing that for 33 years. And the biggest part of the world doesn't know about it. You don't believe any of it? It must have been made up? Well, I suggest that you go check it out yourselves, to make up your own mind about it. You might be surprised...

Anyway, that place was central in how my life has changed. I went one year after the beginning of my burnout and made new friends with whom I had an amazing time; that was the biggest reason why I wanted to go back the next year. I was too late, though, to enroll in any of the groups that went; so I went with the only group that still had one place; a small group of nine of which I knew no one. When we departed, I still remember thinking: what have I begun? It turned out to be the beginning of something new, even though I didn't realise that back then. I remember the moment, the first day,

when I was going to communion in a fully crowded church, and as the only one of that big crowd, received a cross on my forehead. I was completely baffled. The only thing I thought was: 'Why me,  what's wrong with me?' I felt tears coming up and I couldn't stop them, so I ran out of church and started crying my heart out. It felt like a relief, although I didn't know from what.

All in all, I felt a little bit confused after that edition, and I didn't return to church for some months because there were certain ideas I had about faith that weren't right and because of that it didn't make me free. But after some time, I missed the friends I made, the atmosphere, and I started going back, at my own pace, to small youth events. Among others, a festival in Flanders, with christian bands. There was one musician who talked about his life and faith, which inspired me a lot. I still remember his words, and they are still the theme of my life: 'Trust is the key against fear.' Because fear had been exactly the thing that held me back to go to church. Fear is exactly what has always blocked me throughout my life. But during that period, I started discovering that faith was not something to be afraid of; I noticed all of a sudden how it made people happy and free. I felt the tiniest spark of the love and joy that comes with it. I started opening my heart, which had been closed because of my experiences in life.

Shortly after that I had my first real confession. Before I knew it, I started confessing my whole life - and I started crying again, without understanding why. I had never before felt guilty or bad about the things I confessed - I hardly understood why I even told them. I had often used those stories to brag to friends. After that confession I felt an enormous lightness and joy, and I saw that the priest shared that joy.
That was a few days before Christmas.

After that, I had to start studying again, sitting isolated at my place in Ghent. I suddenly felt extremely, extremely bad; one evening, I got a panick attack when I lay in bed. I called my sister, and the next day I went over to where she lived. While I was there, very strong emotions came up all the time: mainly anger. I tried everything to get it out, but it kept coming. I could not face my parents during that time, out of anger towards them. These emotions took up so much of my energy that I was not able to finish my last exam. I stayed with my sister until all parties felt that I could not stay there for ever, so I went to stay for a while at the abbey where we always went to church, where the one community of Flanders stays that is based on Medjugorje. A few of them, that I knew quite well, were going to a 'retreat' for the weekend and I decided to go as well, because my mother had advised me to talk with one of the mentors. Going there changed the whole course of my life. I went again for four days immediately afterwards, and then decided I wanted to give my life a new direction. From that moment on, I have been guided by the Holy Spirit in everything, but especially in the healing of my heart. It is Him and Love that can heal; it is only that logic, after all. Our wounds have happened because of a shortage of love; and it can only be healed by the Presence of love. I could go on and on about my life; but after I went to Mladifest again this year, and back to Medjugorje again during New Year's Eve, I have been strengthened in love and belief. There have happened things that make it impossible for me to say that He is not real. I have been on the very bottom of life, and I have been restored, and am being restored. Pain, anger and anxiety are being brought into Light, as well as painful memories, but love has equally filled my heart, so that I have only been growing stronger.

Scepticism, being closed, have been great hindrances for me to open myself up, in trust and belief. I had been taught so many things that seemed to contradict God's presence in the world; I had felt so much pain in my early years of existence, and later as well, I had seen so much of my parents' troubles and doubts, that I could no longer believe. But very, very slowly God has opened my heart again and showed that He is always present, everywhere. His love surmounts any wound, any pain.

Love and peace to all of you,

Goedele *